why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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