Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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