I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
