he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize