What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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