I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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