first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
