He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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