You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
