There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
