how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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