guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
