we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
