I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He passed out mid-signature
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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