allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
