so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
