i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
