WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
