That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
