So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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