I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
