how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was like eating out sand paper
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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