You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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