she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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