So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
