dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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