Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
