he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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