Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
