so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
