apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize