Your dad touched me again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
