She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
