; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i don't like sucking hair
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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