Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
