Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
