TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
