apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
