I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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