Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
