I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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