mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
