So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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