There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
