i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
