Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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