Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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