omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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