went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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