a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
