We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
