apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize