Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
