I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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