Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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