I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
