hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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