I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
