im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
