Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
