So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
