Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
