I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize