with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
